South by Southwest is just around the corner and odds are you took one glance at the ridiculously long schedule and said “Fuck it, I’ll just go to whatever my friends are going to.” Well, you are a lazy d-bag, but luckily for you, BC and Merch have made a list of bands you need to see at South By and failure to do so could end with you in the bottom of Town Lake… Just kidding, it’s more likely you’ll just be taken away by a swarm of homeless under I-35.

Anyway, here’s the list, consume it within yourself… and smoke while you are doing so.

Andrew W.K. – How could you NOT want to see Andrew W.K.? Are you against partying? Do you, therefore, hate life? I mean, not only are 95% of his songs about partying, he also hosts a show on Cartoon Network about blowing things up! If only we could all live the life of Andrew W.K. He will be at about a million SXSW parties this year, so make sure to at least see one, or he will come to your house and party your parents to death.

Also, keep an eye out for BC. He’ll be the one Andrew W.K. will be asking security to “remove” from the stage because he isn’t wearing any pants.

Woodhands – Merch will forever remember Woodhands‘ set at SXSW 2009 as the night she danced so hard she threw up (don’t worry, Merch only throws up puppies, rainbows and Care Bears).

These two Canadian dance-commanders will bring the synth and 4/4 beat, as well as some ridiculously kick ass covers (“I Kissed A Girl” and “Electric Avenue” to name a few… that rhymed. Gangster).

We Are Scientists – These guys have a tendency to open for bands at their break-out (Arctic Monkeys in 2006, Kings of Leon in 2008), but they always seem to outshine their headliners. Maybe it’s their silly onstage banter about writing the “sexiest song ever” or that their live performance incites white people dance moves straight outta Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing In The Dark” video… the one where Courtney Cox has that total dude haircut.

Kid Sister & Flosstradamus - Quite possibly the most kick-ass bro/sis combo since The Wonder Twins, rapper Kid Sister and DJ J2K are pairing up to rock your pants right off (in a good way). As half of DJ group Flosstradamus, J2K is actually Kid Sister’s kid brother (just to make things confusing, of course). So, if you didn’t catch Kid Sister at Fun Fun Fun Fest this year, you totally suck, because not only was it a great set, she also told Merch “Get up here, bitch!” as she pulled her on stage. How great is THAT? But now you get a chance to make up for it, and Flosstradamus will be there to feed us the dance beats we all need to survive.  

Lyrics Born - One-half of legendary bay-area rap group Latryx, Lyrics Born, brings the funk both on and off the record. Rapping over funk-heavy beats, which includes a full band at his live shows, Lyrics Born will have all the ladies shakin’ their ba-donka-donks on the dance floor (thanks to Urban Dictionary for giving me the proper word for “an extremely curvaceous female behind”). BC missed his chance to see Lyrics Born at San Francisco’s Outside Lands Festival in 2008, so there’s no way he’ll screw that up again.

Fat Mike (Cokie The Clown) - NOFX frontman Fat Mike as a coked-up clown, what about that sounds uninteresting? Nothing, that’s what. In addition to his extremely creepy make up, Cokie sports a giant “gag” flower. But instead of spraying people with water, the flower (hooked up to a CO2 cartridge) explodes powder into victim’s faces. Classic Fat Mike, someone will kick his ass one day. At least he got his iPhone stolen recently.

Here’s a list of other kick-ass SXSW schedules, along with top picks, you may want to check out:

BC – (Andrew WK, Lyrics Born, Fat Mike) – Ultimate Schedule of DEATH